The Gap Between Saying Yes and Showing Up

Yesterday, I performed as a guest at the University of Maryland’s Clarinet Symposium.

I said yes months earlier—the way you do when everything feels open, and your best-rested self is making decisions. I even programmed something ambitious. It felt right at the time.

Then the week before arrived. And then the day itself.

That familiar moment shows up:

Why did I agree to this? Why didn’t I choose something easier?

It’s not stage fright. It’s the gap between your “past self” who said yes, and your “present self” who now has to show up.

A lot of us don’t really know how to navigate that gap.

There’s the version of us who signs up, applies, says yes, chooses the hard piece.

And then there’s the version of us who actually has to perform it.

But here’s what I keep coming back to:

The self who said yes wasn’t wrong.

That version wasn’t naive or overconfident—it was responding to possibility before doubt entered the room.

The day-of self is usually just scared and protective.

And this is the key distinction:

Scared doesn’t mean unprepared.

As I fly home today, I realize this is something I’ve had to learn more than once.

The invitation to stretch is usually right.

The resistance is usually fear in disguise.

And the piece I almost regretted programming—the ambitious one—ended up being the one that said the most.

One audience member even came up afterward, deeply moved, sharing a personal connection to the composer. That moment reframed everything.

You don’t need to resolve the tension between who you are and who you’re becoming.

You just need to walk out and offer your work.

Before you say no to something you already said yes to, ask yourself:

     ✔️ Did past-me usually make good decisions here?
     ✔️ Is this resistance fear or useful information?
     ✔️ What would actually help me feel 10% more prepared?
     ✔️ What does this stretch make possible that “safe” doesn’t?
     ✔️ Who am I becoming on the other side of this?

If this feels timely, I’d genuinely love to hear what you’ve said yes to that now feels a little heavy.

Hit reply and tell me.

With you in the stretch,
Ixi

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