The Unspoken Rules of Building a Successful Music Career

Growing up, I was encouraged to explore broadly, work hard, and take advantage of opportunities my parents never had. Like many immigrant families, the message was simple: try harder, do better, and let your work speak for itself.

I carried that mindset into music. For a long time, I believed that becoming a better musician meant one thing: practicing more.

But as I moved through college, auditions, orchestras, and professional opportunities, I began to realize that there was another side to building a music career that nobody had really taught me.

There were unspoken rules.

The difference between insiders and outsiders

Career advisor and author Gorick Ng explores this idea in his book The Unspoken Rules. He describes how people can enter professional environments believing that excellent work alone will get them noticed, only to discover that others are also building relationships, asking questions, and making themselves visible.

It's not that they aren't working hard. They're simply understanding a different part of the game.

I recognized this immediately.

In the music world, there are plenty of situations where knowing how things work can make a significant difference. How do you approach a teacher you'd like to study with? Who do you ask for advice before an audition? How do you negotiate a performance fee? How do you find opportunities in a new city or build relationships with colleagues?

These things rarely appear in a conservatory curriculum.

Music schools do an excellent job teaching the technical side of musicianship: practicing, performing, auditioning, and working in ensembles. But being a good player is only part of building a sustainable career.

There are relationships to cultivate, opportunities to pursue, conversations to initiate, and professional expectations to understand.

And the hardest part? If you don't know what questions to ask, you might not even realize what you're missing.

Three things people notice when you show up

Ng describes three questions people tend to consider when interacting with you professionally:

1. Competence: Can you do this job well?

Your skills, preparation, experience, and ability to deliver matter. In music, this includes your musicianship, reliability, and professionalism.

2. Commitment: Are you excited to be here and grow with us?

People notice your enthusiasm, initiative, willingness to learn, and investment in the work.

3. Compatibility: Do we work well together?

Relationships matter. How you communicate, collaborate, listen, and contribute to a group can shape the opportunities that come your way.

These three qualities extend beyond auditions and performances. They matter in teaching, arts administration, collaborative projects, and nearly every professional environment.

A five-minute exercise: Identify your own unspoken rules

Take a few minutes to reflect on your professional journey.

• What is one unspoken rule you wish someone had told you earlier?

• What are your competencies? What skills and strengths do you bring to the table?

• What are you committed to? What kind of work, growth, and opportunities are you willing to invest in?

• Who do you work well with? What kinds of people and environments bring out your best?

You don't have to figure everything out on your own.

Building a music career involves much more than mastering your instrument. The more you understand the professional world around you, the better equipped you'll be to recognize opportunities, build meaningful relationships, and create a career that reflects what you want.

Sometimes, the most valuable lesson isn't learning to play another passage perfectly. It's learning how the world around you works.

- Ixi

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