Deepen your roots
Hi, it’s Zoe!
Connecting to my roots is something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately.
When I was younger, my grandparents would come visit us every Wednesday to babysit my brother and me while my parents worked. My grandma fussed over us when we just wanted to be left alone, my grandpa cooked up our lunch with an insane amount of ginger (which we used to hate), and they only spoke to us in Cantonese, which neither of us wanted to speak because English was easier — and cooler.
Then, our family moved across the state, 10 hours away from our grandparents. Suddenly I recognized the impact my grandparents and their culture had on my life, my upbringing, and my music.
Every recital, they were there — video camera and tripod ready. My grandpa told me his favorite violin pieces and his dream for me to learn them: “Meditation” from Thais and the “Butterfly Lovers” Violin Concerto. During family gatherings, they would ask me to play for them to listen, and they would clap enthusiastically “very good! very good!” even if it was just the last few bars of a Sietz concerto.
My grandpa has since passed. I live about an hour away from my grandma now, and I’m making up for lost time. When I have a free weekend and can get away, I go visit her at the independent living facility. She’s still very sharp and active, and wiser and funnier and more savage than I ever realized. I’ve improved my Cantonese speaking skills so that I can converse with her about my concerts, my musical accomplishments, my anxiety about performing and about “making it” in the music world, and all the juicy drama that goes down in the strings department. I send her the livestreams for our orchestra concerts so she can watch something on YouTube besides Chinese soap operas. I take her out to eat at my childhood Chinese restaurant and ask about what it was like dating my grandpa, or attending university in Taiwan, or running to bomb shelters during World War II. I’ve started learning to speak, read, and write Mandarin, the official Chinese dialect, and asking my grandma to help me with my pronunciation.
Does it take time away from practice? Well, yes. But in connecting to my Chinese roots and in developing my relationship with my grandma, I realize I am forming my identity as a human, which in turn shapes who I am as a musician. When I play my instrument, it’s the voice of generations of struggle, pride, culture, and home cooked meals I can create a space for. When I perform in a new scary environment, it’s the wisdom of the big picture I’ve learned from my grandma that keeps me calm. I am the musician I am in part because of the time I have invested outside of violin.
What brings you back to your heritage? What helps you find your identity? Where can you invest outside of music that reminds you who you are, that grounds you?
Spend some time there this week! See where it takes you in your musical journey.
Sending love,
Zoe
