Redefining Success Beyond the Results

Ugh — things didn’t go as planned today. Our flight got delayed, which meant we missed our connection and now we’re sitting in a lounge at the SLC airport instead of visiting Tiffany (and meeting her adorable baby Wolfie).

I’m getting my zen on, second coffee-machine coffee in hand, finishing this off while we wait.

What happens when things don’t go the way we planned?

Sometimes it just sucks. Sometimes, as Paulo Coelho puts it, it feels like the universe is conspiring — either aligning something better or keeping you from something worse.

Either way, it puts you in the middle of something you can’t control.

Which brings me to last night — Ted and I were watching the Olympics.

Because if there’s any place to watch people deal with things outside their control, it’s elite sport.

We were watching snowboard cross — four riders at the start, only two make it through. The third-place finisher misses out by .4 seconds.

Ted shook his head.

Ted: “The Olympics are basically a masterclass in watching elite performers experience disappointment in real time.”

Then there’s Ilia Malinin — the “Quad God” — falling twice and finishing eighth. Eileen Gu balancing Stanford, modeling, and competition pressure. Lindsey Vonn attempting a comeback and ending up in surgery after a shattered tibia.

As Jerry Seinfeld joked about silver medalists:

| “Of all the losers, you're the number one loser. No one lost ahead of you.”

In sports — and in auditions — it can feel binary. You win or you go home.

But then something interesting happens.

We noticed something: even athletes who get eliminated are smiling at the finish line. Hugging. Laughing. Not all of them look crushed.

So what’s going on there?

Ted: “When I worked with audition coach Mike Thornton, he emphasized something important — define success on your own terms.”

Because if the committee is the only definition of success, there’s only one way to succeed… and infinite ways to fail.

But if success looks like this instead:

• Did I follow my preparation process?
• Did I stay musically committed under pressure?
• Did I stick to my warm-up routine?
• Did I show up fully as myself?

Then suddenly, you can succeed even without winning.

You get your agency back.

And when that happens, performance stops feeling like something being done to you and becomes something you are actively doing.

Maybe success isn’t only the gold medal.

Maybe it’s simply being there at all.

That’s something even Ilia Malinin reflected on after his performance — despite disappointment, he spoke about gratitude and invisible battles fought under pressure.

Because meaning doesn’t disappear just because the result isn’t what you wanted.

So what does this look like in practice?

Instead of: “I’m a failure if I don’t win,” ask:

• Did I follow my process?
• Did I make committed musical choices under pressure?
• Did I stick to my routine?
• Did I show up fully?

Brad Stulberg calls this kind of mindset “groundedness” — the ability to endure discomfort while staying connected to what matters.

Here’s what helps:

1. Separate identity from results

You are not your audition result or placement. Those are outcomes, not identity.

2. Focus on controllables

Preparation, mindset, recovery, and effort are yours. Everything else isn’t.

3. Practice tragic optimism

Not fake positivity — but the ability to find meaning even when things don’t go your way.

4. Treat failure as feedback

Every performance gives data, not verdicts.

5. Stay grounded

Know why you’re there — beyond the outcome.

What if we treated auditions like the Olympics?

What if showing up fully prepared and committed already counted as success?

The committee gets one vote.

You get the rest.

Winning is binary.

Performing is not.

— Ixi

p.s. Let's work together on building these mental skills — separating identity from results, focusing on controllables, reframing disappointment. These are exactly the type of topics we cover in the CAREER HUB (along with career, artistry, wellbeing and business for you the modern musician)!

Inside, there's the Professional Development Certificate, the THRIVE MEMBERSHIP, lesson and coaching opportunities, support, community, answers, action blueprints, and resources with a personal touch.

Scholarship is available, email me and we'll talk!

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p.p.s. If you could snap your fingers and be an elite competitor at the Winter Olympics, which sport would it be in? For me it's between the luge, speed skating and slope style. (I used to be quite an adrenaline junkie)! What about you?